Who Will Run Al Qaeda, Inc. Now That Osama bin Laden Is Gone?

I know what you’re thinking: Osama bin Laden is some terrorist leader that orchestrated attacks against the United States and its allies, but you couldn’t be more wrong.  Osama was CEO of the biggest jewelry distributor in the world: Al Qaeda, Inc.  No no no, Al Qaeda is not a terrorist organization, it is a for profit corporation that has done extremely well in the Arab world.  Unfortunately, the misconception that Osama was a terrorist has led to his demise by U.S. special forces.

What the terrorist acts were really

Osama was a savvy business man that built Al Qaeda, Inc. up from scratch.  Though his family was extremely wealthy in Saudi Arabia, Osama had limited resources to start his fledgling business.  He devised an extraordinary way to get free publicity: stage spectacular acts of destruction against what he called the evil west.  In the Arab world, these acts brought him millions of dollars of new business and an organization name that most of the whole world is familiar with.

Why Pakistan protected Osama

Pakistan knew far too well that Al Qaeda, Inc. was one of the most powerful companies, formally incorporated in Pakistan, and feared the loss of tax revenue should Al Qaeda, Inc. have been shut down. The company is now so interwoven into the fabric of Pakistan that the country also feared 80% unemployment.  Trying to get through to the U.S. was impossible though, as the country was so passionate about bringing Osama down.  Pakistan hid Osama as close to the capital as possible, within a compound with other officers of Al Qaeda Inc, hoping that the U.S. would take Pakistan at its word that Osama was somewhere else.

Is Al Qaeda, Inc. out of business?

Osama bin Laden was smart enough to know that his days were numbered and devised a succession plan several layers deep.  Although the company no longer performs acts of terror, its jewelry still sells extremely well and the company is expecting 56% growth during fiscal 2011.  The new CEO, Balmy al Mommygone, says that the company continues to function under his leadership, but promises to behave and not provoke the United States.

Al Qaeda Jewelry can be purchased at your local Dessert Deals, with locations in Turkey, Pakistan, Iran, and Iraq.  Future locations are planned for Saudi Arabia and Egypt.  Al Qaeda Inc. franchises can be purchased starting at 100,000,000 dirhams where not prohibited.

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